By LZ Granderson, Special to CNN
(CNN) — There are 3,626 songs in my music library.
Some are played every day, others just a few times a year. There are songs that remind me of relationships I’ve royally screwed up (Hoobastank’s “The Reason”) and a few on my iPhone that were clearly DWIs — downloaded while intoxicated (think Huey Lewis and the News, circa 1985).
But despite the wide range of emotions triggered by my 3,626 songs, I typically don’t have a problem listening to any of them at any given time.
Except for four: “Run It,” “Forever,” “With You” and “Kiss Kiss.” Haven’t played them since last winter.
For those of you a little slow on the pop culture uptake, these are all songs by Chris Brown, the R&B singer who back in February assaulted his then-girlfriend, singer Rihanna, was sentenced to 180 days of community service, and now, eight months later, wants us to download his new music. And forgive him.
“Honestly, I would just like to get past it,” Brown recently told Rolling Stone. “At the end of the day, I’m sorry for what I did, whatever it is.”
This week, Brown headlines his first concert since the assault, the next step in revitalizing his image. As a one-time fan, there’s a part of me that would like to get back to playing his music and get back to the party. But the last three words of that sentence just won’t let me do it.
// “Whatever it is” doesn’t sound like the words of a man who has done some serious soul searching. Rather, “whatever it is” sounds like the words of a man trained by his lawyers or marketing team to offer up a public admission of wrongdoing while avoiding linking his name to unpleasant phrases such as “domestic violence” and “physical assault.” It’s the same avoidance we saw during his interview with CNN’s Larry King.
The reason why I am having a tough time moving on — and thus playing Brown’s music again — is because he doesn’t appear willing to say exactly what we’re supposed to be moving on from. He’s trying to speak up while remaining silent, which makes me wonder if he’s sorry for what he did, or sorry he got caught.
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